If I ask you to think of a person in
your life who is a control freak, I know a person will pop
into your mind. It might be your boss, a family member, a friend,
your partner, or even you. Trust me, my friend, I am a reformed control
freak and the struggle is real!
In my old corporate life, I was definitely one,
and I knew when I was being overly controlling
but my job expected it of me. Still, even
though I knew I wasn’t popular with most of the employees,
and that isn’t something I’m proud of, I had to be a
“b***h in order to get the work completed – it was a
non-negotiable trait in my career.
By nature, I am a fixer, a true survivor. I jump
in, I’m a take charge kind of gal in any situation,
and I fix things. I fix situations, businesses, marriages,
meltdowns, teenage angst, friendships, and even broken hearts. I’ve
been involved in duelling arguments that I had no
business being involved in but if you ask, and a loyal friend is
needed, – I’ll drop it all and come running.
Many people with this trait, are over-controlling, and have a tendency to
micromanage (not me). Why? Some people are addicted to power and
control, they identify with themselves. Some may have incredibly
high standards (me) and lose their mind with a disorganized
environment (me). They focus on how things
should be in life and fixate on how the outcome of a demand or
request will be achieved. Also, another point
is, they need to be needed and they tend to control things
because fear is their main component and a lack of trust.
Did I want to be this control freak? No, not really, so
when I left corporate America I made
it my mission to become very mindful of my words and
actions. I had to learn the art of surrender,
literally letting go of things at home and at work. I mean I had
to stop resisting the reality, and walking away from situations instead of
turning into an English bulldog with lockjaw. The art of letting go
is H A R D, regardless of it being about your job, your home, your
heart – it is incredibly hard for some people to accept and
Although I’m much better than I used to
be, I am mild now. On a scale of 1/10, oh, I’d say I’m about a
5, but I have learned, after some major blowouts, that being right or in
control is highly overrated. It is a slow path to
destruction if you are unable to face your anxiety and/or fears head-on.
I literally had to make a conscious decision to completely give up control
of the small stuff. Now, it does not mean I became a doormat or
relinquished my strong leadership abilities. It simply meant
that I had to bite my tongue constantly in the
beginning and truly let the circumstances unfold naturally.
By allowing people around me to take the lead and trusting their
decisions, my life became so much more peaceful
and I had more time to dedicate to me. It was a win-win!!
I am not going to lie and say it has been an easy journey, people
still expect me to have all the answers
and take control but now I step back first and analyze what
is unfolding. As for you, well, If this is a character
trait you or someone you know struggles with, please
be kind and take a break. You can take a
few proactive steps after admitting you are one, and
then you can retrain your mind to delegate and hand over the